After pulling my size ten foot out of my mouth, wondering if my vagina would ever be the same, I brought the first bundle of joy home, plopped her on the couch, and studied her from head to toe. I'll admit I was so damn proud, I claimed sole proprietorship, even though Larry was heavily invested. After about two weeks I was begging for partners. She brought out the best and worst in me and I fell hard for that pint size girl. Before my brain came back on line we made another one, and another, and yes one more. I like even numbers so what can you do? One day I woke up, looked around, and screamed, “What the hell happened to my life?” I felt like someone plucked me out of obscurity, dropped me in a suburban zoo, where the featured animals were children. They were always hungry, non-compliant, and somehow all my prom dresses and heels landed in the dress up bin. My brain went on sabbatical, I forgot how to put two sentences together, and often reverted to sign language. Don't judge me.
Just when I thought I’d reached my limit Larry surprised us with a puppy. That could have been a really unfortunate situation but I fell in love with the mutt. The dog grew to one hundred and twenty pounds, was also fiercely protective, and shed her black coat all over the house. I remember one day a neighbor kid put my son in the trash can and let me just say that brought out the dog in me. I dug my kid out of the trash, barred my teeth, and growled at that bully. I tried to bite the kid but he ran away. Deal with it!
When the kids started playing sports I became a taxi driver, assistant coach, and now that I think about it, I believe I started the whole Starbucks trend. Those crazy kids moved out as quickly as they moved in and now I miss all the chaos. How have my children changed me? They captured me with their love, kept me appropriately humbled, and pushed me beyond all reasonable limits. Now I’m a grandparent and I know better than to say, “I got this.” I've even learned to love Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, and Instagram. I’m resistant to making historical changes, but if I were to do it all over again, I would hire a battalion of help, permanently move my mom into the shed out back, and put Pizza Hut on speed dial, but I wouldn't give up one minute of my time at the family zoo.
Feel free to share your parental wisdom!
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